social networking, version control and life

Social networking actually seems to be working for me at the moment. I am going to finally get round to catching up with someone I have not seen in ten years and am beginning to work up to trying to catch up with yet another friend I have not seen in 10 years (and trying not to think about the fact this means it is ten years since I left school)

Thing is both these people were fairly significant friends. One I spent lots of time at the house of and hanging out with her and her sister and loving "Last Christmas" by Wham with and the other I spent about two hours a day with just making up stupid things, talking about South Park, skating, manga and anime and just general nonsense. Last time I saw him I was scared by how tall he had got. That is about it. But we seem to have started following each other on facebook and still seem to have stuff in common so that could be good.

So basically that stuff is pretty cool and the fact that twitter does seem to be keeping me in contact with people and that I am finding time to read blogs is all kind of good. I seem to be gradually working towards the sort of work/life balance that could allow me to do some more extra-curricular activities and have more on my plate again but I want to take it slow. I'm not sure if there will reach a point again where I am running a charity concert, setting up a new volunteer project, doing something else fairly full on (in that case going to University) managing the training of volunteers and holding down a job and a relationship. When I have that much on something has got to give and that time the thing that gave was me. So I learned from that and hope not to kill myself with too much stuff again, when life gets hectic I take time out to step back from it all and that is most definitely a good thing.

One thing social networking is not doing is helping me get back in touch with a former colleague who made me smile lots and had cool music taste and was funny and helpful and kind and a really good person to have in my life as he does not do the social networking thing. I may need to do some more work to get that friendship going again. Or let it go, but frankly there are so many good people I have let drift out of my life as I thought they did not want me in theirs, or because I thought they were too cool, or interesting or important (or famous) for me to be friends with that I kind of kicked the friendship into touch before it could get good and I don't want to do that again. At the same time, I have been hurt by friends too so am trying to keep a bit of me back for me too. It's a tricky balancing act but one I feel better equipped to do now, partly because of what I have learned and partly because I have a good bedrock now in having someone who loves me so much it takes away the needy insecurity which makes me too open, too keen to be quirky or silly and allows me to just be me, not some version of me designed to impress others.

But version control is still needed and appropriate sometimes. Particularly when you write a blog. And that blog is public. But I'm sure you all know that.

And it has me considering getting a locked blog for the angst and what not but that kind of defeats the point of blogging for me (not that I think blogging should be about angst) as I think blogging should be in part a record for you, and in part something designed to amuse you and your friends and all that jazz.

Anyway I shall give it some thought and also think about the reason I started blogging in the first place, which is to help me keep writing when I have writers block. But now blogging has replaced the other writing. So maybe I need to find a way to keep both going. That could be my start on having a bit more going on.

Whooooo

Apparently I am not the only one getting vivid dreams/ nightmares at the moment. Matthew seems to be doing the same and apparently so is Simon but right now it seems to be seeping into my waking life. Maybe because of the time of year or maybe because i have been messing too much with my body.

Until the last month or so I was on all sorts of artificial hormones and now I am not. This is making me feel all kinds of odd but mostly queasy and emotional. I'm going to check in with the doctors in a few weeks to see if all this is normal but for now I am riding it out. It would be good to know that I could cope without taking tablets every day but if I need them, I need them so I will see what happens.

This is somewhat taking the sheen off how lovely things are really but for the most part I am still happy and smiley and loved so that will do for now. And the whirlwind is still amazing but today little niggles got to me (like waiting for a delayed train in the cold) and made me get grumpy and then annoyed at myself for feeling grumpy. But then Christielli's blog showed me that it is okay to get mad sometimes so I felt better.

Right now for some hot chocolate and lots of water and then I shall hopefully feel like myself again (and typing that has given me a Brendan Benson earworm which is always a good thing)

The Days Are Just Packed

Life has taken a turn for the busy. Students knocking on the door, running round the building, camembert in the office making it smell cheesy, family visits, events, comic conventions you name it, it's happening.

And in the middle of it all I can't stop smiling. I may feel exhausted for the time being, but this is my whirlwind and I love it.

Some thoughts

I have started my new job. It is challenging and amazing. Working with students is opening me up to a new way of thinking and it all feels kind of right. And it has new responsibilities and new opportunities and that is all pretty groovy. And today I had gnocchi for lunch from the canteen, it was lovely but had a slightly negative impact on my breath when speaking to students (oops)

Home is still pretty groovy, I have some concerns about my neighbours who are a little scary but the little house is going well, keeping itself nice and warm now it is winter and generally being a lovely place to come home to (though I need to do dishes tonight -ick)

My dad is continuing to recover which is good and makes me smile. The rest of them are all working themselves into the ground but kind of thriving on it. I would worry but they know when they are doing too much and just need to slow down.

As for me? Last week was not only my first week at my new job but very busy socially, I took part in the local pub quiz and our team won (I got £20!), I went for dinner with Matthew's mother and step-father and had a lovely curry, I went to see Frank Turner at the Shepherd's Bush Empire (on which more later) and then as Friday entailed a very early start after not much sleep turned down guest list tickets to a big old Halloween Party, instead stocking up on candy in case we had trick or treaters (we didn't and now have a house full of chocolatey goodness)

Final bit, Frank Turner was really good. I've been going to his gigs for as long as I have worked in London and the way he has grown and improved as a performer and songwriter in that time is just amazing. From the first time I saw him at Lexapalooza a few years ago until now, the songs have got sharper with more pop hooks and more verve and the singing has got cleaner and subtler. It's really kind of cool and I feel pretty lucky to have seen it (though others have been there to see it more and have seen him far more - though there was that time I saw him 8 times in 7 months a few years ago…). I'm really glad I have seen him though as it has brought a lot of cool things into my life and informed some cool nights (like when Claire and I escaped the pub, headed for a Subway meal deal and then on to another pub to meet Team DanEvan and Sean and Paul and then despite planning on keeping it sober drinking a lot of JD and cola before going to the very late night gig, and then Claire needing to get an early train so she could go and teach the next day - that girl is some kind of amazing) and introduced me to lots of bands and artists I may otherwise have not heard of. Or who would not have commented on my blog otherwise (sorry I am such a fangirl about the fact that both Dave Hughes and Mark McCabe have commented on my blog so felt the need to point it out...)

As for the future? Well work is pretty crazy right now and this weekend involves visiting my dad but to come is a Robot party, girl's night, Martha and Rufus Wainwright at the Royal Albert Hall, Karmageddon, going to see Fulham for a fiver, new year in Dundee and all sorts really. Kind of a groovy time to be alive. Which suits me just grand.

How are you?

Hey Scenesters (Mk 2 - now with added scenesters)

Okay so last week I went to see Plants and Animals and was greatly disappointed. This was not to do with the band but to do with the venue and crowd who were all so pleased with themselves for being at a Plants and Animals gig that they failed t actually listen to the music or engage with the fact that they were at a gig. It was all a far cry from Lexapalooza where the crowd were one of the best things about the whole day.

So here is my long overdue post about Lexapalooza. The basic deal is this;

Alexa Burrows, was by all accounts pretty cool person and a joy to know. She thought of this cool idea of putting on a day of live music to raise money for Breast Cancer Campaign and more than that, she set about doing it, and Lexapalooza was born. I went to one in a pub in London (before I even lived in London) and the atmosphere was fantastic, it was really lovely and friendly and had the feeling of a real family of people who all got along (and this was not just due to my two siblings being there, or the presence of a baby). Sadly a few years ago Alexa Burrows died. Frank Turner wrote a pretty moving song about it, which has a really moving music video which you can see here
Apparently she handed over the reigns to Evan, and along with Dani, Pete, Seán, Justin, Paul, Soph and Ravi (and lots more people besides) they have continued it and it is wonderful. The atmosphere was amazing and the crowd friendly. Mr Turner described it as “a scene, but in a really good way” and for once this was a scene I wanted to be part of, due to the friendliness and kindness of all the people there. And to top it off the music was pretty darned good too.

But before I get to the music though I have another aside about the venue; The Flowerpot is a pretty wonderful place to go, it kind of rose form the ashes of another venue which was much loved, and is carving out a wonderful new niche for itself in Kentish Town, they are really all about coming together to enjoy music with acts on every night for free. It is about as far from the elitist atmosphere I experienced on Thursday as it is possible to get and I love it there, only wishing it was a wee bit closer to my home in South London that it is.

We arrived a little late due to postal strike related gubbins so missed the first act I am afraid to say. We also missed Anna Madeleine and Oxygen Thief as we were grabbing an all day breakfast so I will instead recommend you look them up later and see what you think of them.

I was in fact going to review all the acts but I tried to write reviews and they were frankly rubbish. So first act on was Mark McCabe who was marvellous. He sang songs, and played guitar and he read poems (well one) and he was charming and funny and talented. Next up was Emily Barker and boy was she good; folksy and lovely with just great songs – I apologise for the review now, it was over a week ago and I am tired.

Later on the bill was Elliot Morris who has bags of potential but has not quite got there yet. But watch out for him. There was also Sanjuro who were exciting and fun in a French gypsy punk kind of way (even if the violinist seemed to fancy himself), Dave McPhearson who does that singer songwriter thing well but for some reason leaves me cold, Beans on Toast who introduced a new rap sound and was disappointed the crowd did not sing along (but I think this was because we all wanted to hear his girlfriends rather lovely voice) and was as usual pretty great and enjoyable – always worth checking out live if you can. There was also The Leano bringing some consciousness and hip hop and amazing guitar playing to proceedings (“’cause we’re better than that!”) and then the fantastic lyricism and beautifully crafted songs of Ben Marwood.

The final three acts were all pretty groovy. Chris T-T opened his set with a Black Eyed Peas cover version which he somehow managed to fill with soul. This speaks volumes of his style. He is a fine songwriter and has new album coming out soon which is sure to be well worth a listen (in fact his new song was really rather stirring). He was followed by Get Cape. Wear Cape. Fly. who did a kind of greatest hits set which went down really well with the crowd. Then there was the final headliner Frank Turner who I wont bore you with anymore (as I am seeing him again later this month) but who was pretty darned great ending with Long Live the Queen and the “Ballad of Me and my Friends”, leaving the live part of the show with a good old fashioned stage invasion.

When mentioning the music it would be remiss of me not to mention the great choices made between songs by the DJ, Seán. I’m pretty darned proud of him. My big brother rocks.

So this blog is brought to you with love and joy and have taken the nasty taste out of my mouth and left me all happy and bouncy again. I hope it has done the same for you.

All the best

xx

Good golly!

So autumn is definitely here and here to stay now. The leaves are turning brown and golden, the sky is lovely deep red as I return from work and it is time to consider turning on the heating and adding an extra blanket to the bed.

So all this means I still want to sleep all the time but hope is shining through for me on that one. We are making lots of lovely stews, recently beef stew with roasted parsnips and potatoes and we have nuts in for chomping on and hot chocolate to see us into bed at night. All of which is kind of groovy and relaxed. In the meantime things are really busy too.

Last weekend I went to Lexapalooza Lite and I shall be writing a full blog on that one day. It was run extremely well and was full of great music and lots of other cool things which I will save for the blog on the day. This week I am going to see Plants and Animals at Barden’s Boudoir on Thursday, see some lovely friends for dinner on Friday, go to the market to investigate food options on Saturday and visit a gallery and do some Christmas shopping on Sunday. All rather lovely I think and a good way to get into this time of year.

Phew for my half day on Friday which is going to be due to needing to do some exciting paperwork (and yes exciting paperwork does exist) and to visit the deli to pick up some bits for my friends coming round. I have so much on at work I have no clue where to start (so am just starting and hoping for the best) and am feeling a little bit run down but I know there are exciting times ahead. And there is a weekend with no plans soon where I can rest and recouperate before the next big adventure which is (finger crossed) going to be pretty good.

P.s This is probably the most productive thing I have done all day due to a niggling headache. So tomorrow will now be ultra busy and productive and that and today shall require an early night with a mug of cocoa. Which is actually pretty alright

xx

even the bad times are good?

Okay

So I have not done much lately so here is a massive update on everything.

Dad is doing better, much better, his recovery is going fairly well. This makes me happy. However it seems some kind of cosmic joke is being played on some of my other family members who are all having fairly rubbish times of it with this and that (with good tomes as well) and it seems a bit unfair and sad. But I hope things will improve for them soon.

As for me? Well quite a lot of things are really rubbish for me right now. I mean shockingly bad. But the good things are still good. I still have Matthew and we still have our lovely wee home and I still have great friends even if I have dropped behind on my correspondence. So there is light in all the darkness. There always is if you look for it.

In other things I am feeling a bit weird about this being constantly accessible thing from having an iPhone and need to give it further thought. I often leave it in my handbag all day at work and upstairs all evening at home but I know it seems like I am being rude. I simply barely use the thing as it holds little interest for me. Sadly though when I do take it downstairs with me for the evening I spend the time playing games, checking people’s facebook statuses and so on and feel terribly anti-social. It is something I need to find a good compromise position on.

It kind of goes with my thinking about the internet as a whole. Simon posted something interesting on blogs over at longhand scribblings and I agree that blogs have a function and so do texts, tweets and status updates but I find tweets particularly hard to follow and sort the wheat from the chaff with. Maybe I will find a way through but at the moment I feel kind of disconnected from the whole thing. Though this might partly be because I am having a bit of a tough time at the moment, stupid life chucking lots of things my way when I just want to sleep.

I think that kind of sums things up in total at the moment. At the moment most of the time I just want to curl up in bed and sleep, hiding away from the rest of the world in the nice safe world Matthew and I have created for ourselves. I like that world, it has homemade minestrone soup in it. But life goes on and hiding from the scary things that are happening will not make them stop happening. So I need to get the heck out of dodge and out of this blog and back to the real world.

xx