Blessings

May the road rise up to meet you, may the wind be ever at your back. May the sun shine warm upon your face and the rain fall softly on your fields. And until we meet again, May God hold you in the hollow of his hand

So I started with an Irish blessing as it seemed about right.

At the moment various poeple in my life are not having the best time of it. In fact my second cousin Marie, my brother and my sister are all quite poorly and there is very little actual stuff I can do. I can keep them in my thoughts but not much else. I also feel a bit out of sorts, kind of looking for problems. I know what I need to change though. And I need to work on that to shake this feeling. This general disatisfaction with a life that is rich in blessings.

For example this month I am due to move house and move in with the man I love. And (gushing is about to start) I still look forward to when we are together after work, he lifts my spirits, he is in many ways what I never knew I always wanted and barely dared to think I could deserve.

I am also noting some subtle changes in myself which make me feel stronger and happier though I am so very flustered by current events. Control is in my grasp - it is a nice feeling.

I am also more in self control with my eating - I have lost half a stone and feel healthier for it. I am enjoying food more now I have broken then link with comfort eating. Normally right now I would be stuffing my face and buying stuff I cannot afford to deal with the stress. But I am not.

As well as saying "no" to food, I am also learning to say no to people, a skill I learned to manage at work but less in life. I hope I keep it up as it is giving me such a freedom. I also hope I don't get carried away - Danny Wallace taught me that.

And I know I am at this point for a reason. I have not chosen a path yet as the path has not been there to choose. And as for the change I feel coming? It could be finding my path, it could be starting a new life with the man I love, it could be getting further down the (good part) of the path of "no", it could be feeling more in control, it could eb the second childhood that a girl told me I would have at a gig on Friday night. I don't know what it is. But I know it is coming and that it means I will be getting my life back.

So though the backdrop is full of worry for people I care for, there is a shining beacon of hope. And that helps me to count my blessings.