Last week I had a tasty meal and enjoyable evening with a rather lovely couple. They were great. I was terrible at conversion.
At one point she started talking about her Zumba class. I used to take Zumba, I was interested in how she found it, but somewhere in the darkest recesses of my mind I remembered I had not been to Zumba for long or in a long time. I mentally put on a horse hair shirt and started hitting myself with ash branches about not going, about owing my old instructor £3 for the session I missed and about being useless at sticking to exercise and so on and so on.
Then he chipped in that the only exercise he's kept up with was swimming. Swimming! I love swimming! I used to dream about swimming. I've been swimming recently. "This is safe conversational ground," I thought, "I should ask a question."
If M had been there he might have asked why swimming was what he could keep to. If I was not in a slightly crazed state (I may have eaten too much sugar that day) I might have asked how he copied with low vision and a pool, a problem I have often encountered. These are the sort of question you say out loud in polite company.
Of course that is not where my head was at. The only sequence of questions I had was this:
- But you have a beard. Don't you get drag in the beard?
- You can get swim caps. Do they do beard caps? How would they work?
- Do any pro swimmers have beards? If so there MUST be beard caps.
- Actually a lot of pro swimmers wax their legs don't they...?
DO NOT ASK HIM IF HE WAXES HIS LEGS!
As you may have guessed none of this made it out my mouth (thankfully) and instead I looked confused for a few seconds, said "cool" and changed the subject.
Does anyone else get this sometimes? Or am I best to quietly remove this post from the internet...
P.S.2 Have you seen the full face swim caps? They are scary. Practical but scary.
P.S.3 The video for the song I was thinking of when I wrote this post in case you thought it was familiar but could not recognise it. If that is the case I am not sure we can be friends. Not really. SHAPES!!